The Crater Hottest Spot in Midgar
by Kinker
Summary: There is a new hotspot in town and it's stealing Tifa's business! What will she and Cloud do? [Chapter 1 up; more coming soon] (NOTE: this is a skit complete with dialogue, narration and action. NOT A CHAT!)


The Crater: The Hottest Spot in Midgar  
  
Note: All this happened one year after the events of Final Fantasy VII. Alas, Avalanche has split up. For good. Barret and Marlene went back to Coral Village, Tifa works in a second-generation of the 7th Heaven, and the rest went out to a party and never came back (papers say they were attacked by rabid chocobos). And Cloud...well, being the Jack of all Trades...with his many talents...oh, who am I kidding? He HAS no job, the bum!!  
  
But enough of that...somewhere in a crowded, desolate main street of Sector 6, Cloud travels. The solitude of the travel...wind in his hair...going at 5 miles per hour?!  
  
Cloud: What the hell?!!  
  
[Cloud dodges out of the way- and just in time! A roaring truck sideswipes his and into the trash can he goes. The rub is: Cloud is a temporary pedestrian!]  
  
Cloud: DAMN! [yelling after truck] YOU THINK YOU OWN THE DAMN ROAD?!! Sheesh...I want my Harle back...walking sucks!!  
  
[He then continues on his way. Wow. Boring, huh? Our retired hero almost becomes roadkill. Big deal; he's a tough guy. No one cares...]  
  
Cloud: .......I resent that.  
  
???: Hey hey!!  
  
Cloud: [turns] hmm?  
  
[Behind him is a smallish ninja looking girl of about seventeen...]  
  
???: Hiya! Cloud, is it??  
  
[...And, as he recalls, very annoying...]  
  
Cloud: MY GOD! IT'S YUFFIE!! I THOUGHT CID KILLED YOU!!  
  
Yuffie: [puzzled] Cid did what?!?  
  
Cloud: Erm...nothing.  
  
Yuffie: Yup. I know you're Cloud. No one else has fantasies about murdering me.  
  
Cloud: ......  
  
Yuffie: I was just around town, and happened to see you almost get flattened.  
  
Cloud: What are you doing here?  
  
Yuffie: Visiting rad places.  
  
Cloud: They finally kicked you out of Wutai?  
  
Yuffie: [disgust] Don't be mean, man.  
  
Cloud: ..........  
  
[Cloud then turns away and continues walking. Yuffie follows, of course- she's very persistent]  
  
Yuffie: So, have you seen Seppy?   
  
Cloud: Yeah, I have... He's in the mental ward in Kalm... poor Sephrioth.  
  
[The conversation went on much longer than this...and meanwhile, absent-minded Yuffie happened to wander into the road...]  
  
Yuffie: I think what Aeris did was very mean, eh?   
  
Cloud: [snaps] Why don't you get hit by a bus?!!  
  
Yuffie: Hey, man!! I was just trying to talk to a friend I haven't seen in so--  
  
[BEEP BEEEEEEEEEP!!]  
  
[THUNK!! Cloud winces, then runs away from the scene]  
  
*****  
  
[After dodging mopeds and the like, he reaches the shop where his Harle is being held. It is sitting all by itself in a spare garage, all shiny with its new paint job. Cloud hop-skips to it, and after making sure no on was watching, kisses the wheel.  
  
The place is Mike's Junk Shop. Many punks, NINnys, Masonites, bikers and goths hang out here. In fact, a group of bikers wander over over to Cloud. And while he readies himself with a discarded crowbar, he happened to overhear some of Mike's customers talk...]  
  
Dude1: Hey! Last night my friend and I went to this really tripped-out place in Sector 3!!  
  
Dudette1: Wow, all the way out there?! How was it?  
  
Dude1: I think it's called "The Crater."  
  
Cloud: (!!!)  
  
[Cloud is all ears]  
  
Dude1: It was like a nightclub, only better. There were strobes everywhere, and these Goth As Fuck-looking waiters would give you drinks!  
  
Dudette2: Chocobo Dream, too! Who serves THAT anymore?  
  
Dudette1: Isn't that drink...dangerous?  
  
[Some guy walks up to them, now, sporting an odd tattoo]  
  
Dude2: And there's a tattoo parlor there!!  
  
Dude1: Yeah! And the music gets to your head faster than the drinks!!!  
  
Dude2: Lookit my tattoo!!  
  
[He flexes his muscles, showing everyone his tattoo on his left upper arm.]  
  
All: Ooohhh...  
  
Cloud: (???)  
  
[Even Cloud leans a bit closer. It is a fancy Engraver's Old English number 5]  
  
Dudette2: Coooooooool.... I think I'll get one.  
  
Dudetter1: I want one too!!  
  
Dude1: I want a drink...!  
  
[The little group walk past Cloud, and Dude#2 happens to bump into Cloud]  
  
Dude2: Uh, pardon.  
  
Cloud: [flabbergasted] Er...whatever.  
  
[He stares after them, wondering if they were posers. That guy was way too friendly...]  
  
***  
  
[In 7th Heaven II, Tifa is closing shop. She is about to place another glass bottle onto a crazy-ass pyramid...until Cloud slams in. They all shatter to the floor!!]  
  
Tifa: YAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! The HELL?!!  
  
Cloud: [sweat] S-sorry!!  
  
[Tifa takes a broom and whacks him with it]  
  
Tifa: Oh MAN!! Now I have to GLUE the peices!!  
  
Cloud: Why do you care...?  
  
Tifa: [distressed] You haven't heard? I have competition...no one comes here anymore...I just spend the day dwindling round here...  
  
[She slumps to a bar stool. Cloud walks over to her, placing his hands on her shoulders- a quick shove sends her spinning]  
  
Cloud: Whee!!  
  
Tifa: [weakly] Whe. [she slowly stops rotating, ending facing her best friend] Ha ha...thanks for cheering me up. Trying to.  
  
Cloud: And I'm really sorry about those god-damned glasses...  
  
Tifa: [weak smile] Heh...I'm more glad you finally showed up moreso. So where have you been?  
  
Cloud: [mumble] Trying to find a job...  
  
Tifa: After the Last Days, everything's been in a slump. [wistfully] What happened to Avalanche?   
  
Cloud: You know. Without Shin-Rah, it was just a bunch of rebels without a cause.  
  
Tifa: Sometimes, I miss the good ol' days...chasing after the meanies...  
  
Cloud: I have a question. After all we've been through...why is everything normal?  
  
Tifa: WHAT?  
  
Cloud: Look at us! The Meteor nearly crashes into Midgar, yet we're frickin' standing on it!   
  
Tifa: Yeah...that's odd.  
  
Cloud: I think we should investigate...  
  
Tifa: What is there? Little green men with a wicked sense of humour??  
  
Cloud: Now who was just saying they were bored? Even if it is a wild goose chase, it'll take your mind off of...this.  
  
Tifa: Hm....  
  
[Tifa turns her ruined glass bottles.]  
  
Tifa: I'll think on it...  
  
Cloud: Don't think too hard... !!!!  
  
[Cloud heard a thunk upon Tifa's door. He cautiously walks over to it, and bangs it open. What a comical sight he was, jumping out into the night, a weapon in his hand, wild-eyed!]  
  
Yuffie: What the hell?!!!! Is THIS how you treat an old friend!?  
  
Tifa: Is that...? [pokes her head out] YUFFIE?  
  
Yuffie: Why is everyone surprised?  
  
Tifa: [whispering to Cloud] What happened? I thought Cid killed her.  
  
Cloud: [whispering back] Me too. She even got ran over by a bus!  
  
[The two of them stare at Yuffie in wonder]  
  
Yuffie: WHAT IS EVERYBODY LOOKING AT? Aren't ya gonna let me inside? It IS a bit nippy.  
  
Tifa: [stammers] Y-yeah!  
  
[She herds everyone inside, against Cloud's better judgement]  
  
Tifa: What are you here for? How did do get here? Why are you STILL here?  
  
Yuffie: Is it me, or did you have fantasies of doing away with me too?  
  
Tifa: Erm...you're just paranoid...[sweatdrop]  
  
Yuffie: Thought so. [She nods to Cloud] I thought I'd come by and tell you about your competition, Tif.  
  
Tifa: (Don't call me "Tif.")  
  
Yuffie: It seems like something's fishy's going on.  
  
Cloud: Ya THINK?  
  
Cloud then tells Tifa about the posers at Mike's and what they said  
  
Tifa: And when were you planning on telling me this?  
  
Cloud: You were in such a funk, I'd thought I'd try to cheer you up first, Miss Moody.  
  
Yuffie: [surprised] TIFA? MOODY?!! Now I've seem everything!  
  
Cloud: It's this damn Crater. It's strealing away her business!!  
  
Tifa: You know when you're old when the world prefers loud club-banging to good home-cooking and light.  
  
Yuffie: Aren't you in your twenties?  
  
Tifa: [mopes] Yet I feel old...so old...  
  
Cloud: PLEASE don't act depressed. It's not the Tifa I know!!  
  
Tifa: [upbeat] Sorry!  
  
Yuffie: Here's something that'll cheer you up. Let's trash the place!!!  
  
Tifa: WHAT?  
  
Cloud: Yeah!! I know you still have those Moltov bombs from the pre-Last Days.  
  
Tifa: For nostalgic purposes, nothing more...  
  
Yuffie: How do you REALLY feel about The Crater? You feel a bit...  
  
Tifa: Depressed? Hopeless? Suicidal?   
  
Yuffie: No, you're MAD!  
  
[Yuffie jumps onto one of the abandoned tables and prepares for something equivalent to a fire-and-brimstone sermon]  
  
Yuffie: MAD that some idiots are stealing your most loyal customers! MAD that you are reduced to some pitiful bar hop! And MAD that you were going to sit here and dope your life away! Listen missy, YOU ARE MAD AS HELL AND YOU'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE!!  
  
Tifa: Hey...you're right!! I'm not gonna sit here and cry!   
  
Cloud: THAT'S the Tifa we know!! I gotta hand it to you, Yuffie, you really know how to rile people up.  
  
Yuffie: Is that why I'm wanted DEAD?  
  
Cloud: [sweatdrop] Now WHAT did Tifa say? ...You're just being paranoid!  
  
Tifa: I'm busting out those bombs! I'm gonna raise HELL! I'm go...erm...do THIS to that damn barkeeper!  
  
[And a table is smashed into toothpicks. Yes, the one Yuffie was preaching on]  
  
Yuffie: .........  
  
[Tifa briefly walks over to behind the bar to get some bombs, while Cloud checks on Yuffie.]  
  
Tifa: Is she dead?  
  
Cloud: I don't see anything...  
  
Tifa: Let's get out of here, quick.  
  
***  
  
AND!  
  
Cloud and Tifa go out to Sabotage The Crater. The thing is, what will they do? What is the plan? And will they meet anyone along the way?! Sure they will, and Yuffie is guaranteed to follow and muck things up, just like in the old days!   
  
  
  
[[][][][][][][][[[[[][[[Until nXt chapter! ~Kinker 2003 


End file.
